when you walk into a room

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Do you ever get that feeling when you walk into the room that people were just talking about you? Worse yet it is the feeling when you are surrounded by friends and the tension in the room makes you feel like you just want to curl into a ball and disappear from the world….well it wasn’t until tonight that I felt that way online.

I am not sure if it is just my loneliness setting in once again but going on my usual online communities just doesn’t provide that same fulfillment which I used to get. Either the discussions are stale, and I sit reading the same things I have seen before. Or people just frustrate me with their lack of the ability to think. In alot of ways it is like a car wreck, even though you should help or keep moving, it is impossible not to stop and stare.

The other side of things is getting the feeling that I have dropped off the radar or have been downgraded in my friend’s eyes. Perhaps it is because I have gone into seclusion and am not at the events which people post pictures of, or because I am bad at keeping in touch, but deep down I feel like people are making an active choice not to include me or shield me from their lives. Part of this is probably just a feeling of self pity setting in combined with low self-esteem either way it feels like crap to sit here at night wondering if I have been forgotten or just shunned.